...And now lemme justify or, if you'd be kind enough to allow the term, explain why all that talk about sex!
I live in a male hostel at the Aga Khan university. Someday, I'll write a long article on hostel life, but today just lemme throw one piece of clarifying info out. There are no gays here. At least none I've encountered in the last five years of my stay here. Of course, I could be a closet homo, enjoying what little man-on-man action I could elicit from a few like-minded friends, but that depends on what you'd rather believe. :)
Anyway, I have lived in the hostel for five years. Have seen it all, inside out. Been a part of all the secret cults and societies that inevitably develop in a men's hostel. And I can safely say that 90% -- he, cross that figure -- 95% of the men here are sexually deprived (Dunno about the female hostel, I'll reserve judgement on them in my spirit of gentlemanliness). Frustration abounds. Pornography rules. Jacking off? Well, guys here have routines and rituals regarding self-love. What more should I say?
The point is, it's not gross, or disgusting, as any lady reading this is apt to exclaim, but it's just the unpleasant truth that we shovel beneath the carpet. Sex is a powerful need and force, especially with men. In our culture, women have their own religious taboos and cultural inhibitions that allow them a psychologicla advantage that, unfortunately, men can't conceive of. And as far as their thinking with their penises is concerned, can you blame them? Most of them are about 23-24 and haven't had sex ever. Considering the stresses that come with a career in medicine, plus the stupid cultural issues that most women have in our society about even being seen with a man in public, it's a wonder that guys here haven't resorted to homosexuality. And while we are discussing sex, let me also say what most women will never believe.
Majority of these guys don't even need sex. It's true they get their urges from time to time, but those are easily squashed. What really comes, disguised as a sexual need, is intimacy. Most of them crave intimacy, or even a little friendship with women, or maybe just an ego booster. Believe me, I've talked to all of them. And nearly all want that more than sex. But our culture prohibits that, and what happens then is the smarter and the richer and more good-looking ends up with the more open girls around while the rest of the lot just poondifies, wishing to be on the other side of the fence.
I have been lucky. I won't say how -- and no, I haven't had sex -- but I have been in a couple of relationships. I have always been able to make friends with women, and I have always been a part of both the male hostel and the world beyond it. And I tell you, there are times when i pity my society. Men wanting intimacy, and women wanting security, and both ending up at a loss simply because there are too many taboos that scandalise either sex if the sacred distance is breached. It is the hypocrisy that is disgusting, not the discussion of it.
Anyways, what I wanted to recount is an incident that became a little too personal, but while we're being honest, I believe it should be told and analysed, not only becuse we should and are allowed to, but also, it holds a fascinating psychological bearing.
So my friends and I, all males, mind you, went out on a guys' night out. But that of course is false. It was guys' night because nearlessly all of us are currently womenless. One just dumped a girl, another was dumped, and the rest have never been in a relationship because of religious or cultural or whatever reasons. (Moi will hold my secrets to myself, thank you very much! )
Anyway, we all went to this stand-up comic bit by a Karachi art group called Black Fish. Brilliant artists. Wonderful actors. Extremely spontaneous and funny comedians. May I say that my group of friends has a very sleek and honed sense of humor. We laugh plenty, but never out of politeness, and I was kinda doubting the power of the comedians' punch lines. Turns out the group was highly educated and had a magnificent funny motley of comics, and we ended up laughing like hell at their performances, all of which were impromptu. Totally money-worthy.
But the reason for my recounting is not the funnies or the art side of it. I wanna talk about the the only girl comic there was in the group.
A tall, attractive girl wearing denims and a short t-shirt, she had a aura of confidence, bordering on haughtiness, about her. She sat with her legs crossed, occasionally glancing at the crowd, and, I don't know about the others, but my eyes were riveted on her. Initially in my chauvinism I thought she'd just be helping the comics with their gigs and scenes, but she had her very own limelight, and she was real good at her stint.
But what has made her worthy of being mentioned here, nameless of course -- I don't wanna name her in any context -- is the way she used her body while performing her scenes. She moved her hips and curves seductively, very very sensually. At one point, while pretending to be a super-villain called Doctor Gas (the name adopted on audience suggestion), she thrust her hips out, placed her hands on her butt, and cried out, "Non-biodegradable!" at which the audience roared with approval. (I wonder what would have happened if it were a Punjabi Drama stage. She would have probably been gang-raped on stage by the audience that haunts that particualr arena. ) Even when she wasn't doing her scenes, she was twisting and moving herself in sexy curves and was very very aware of the effect she was having on her male audience. And I would be lying if I said I wasn't extremely attracted to her in the most physical way possible.
Now, I have been to the most liberal of parties. I have seen people reaching third base right in front of my eyes. Have been physical to a degree with women myself, yet I do have strong moral qualms. But I was astonished at the effect this particular woman had on me. Maybe the fact that she was extremely confident and doing something disapproving on a paki stage, in public really, had something to do with it, but it was remarkable. It made me realise how poweful sexual feelings are. In that moment I would have probably gone to bed with her if chance availed, morality or no morality, all thoughts and feelings and guilt put aside for retrospection. And that told me so much about myself and the human race in general.
Again, I'm not generalising, but most of us embrace religion and traditional values because it makes life easier to bear. It's easy enough to say that you're repelled by sex if you're not getting any. But give you a beautiful naked woman, and you try recalling a single piece of religious advice you've given to many yourelf! Black and white are not that clear-cut. The grey dominates.
I'm not going to comment on what that girl did on stage. At one point, she bent to retrive a lighter from the floor and a little of her butt-cleavage was exposed to the world, for all to see. I enjoyed the sight. My religious values are not strong enough to make me abstain from such a visual present. Boys will be boys, and whatever you say. But at the same time, I wonder what this bodes for my people. That girl has a right to parade herself naked through a hallway full of sainted men, but then, a part of me says, she shouldn't complain that men stare at her chest, or that a few try to cop a feel. A penis is an independent, intelligent entity, that's a fact of life, and she should, methinks, learn to live with it then.
Like I said I won't comment on her moral values. But I can, and should, on my own. She turned me on, and I had no way of dealing with it. I have declared sex unlawful unto me, a kiss and a little more being the max of my moral limit. So what do I do?
I try to write, that's how my catharsis works, and send my words out into the world. Go away, thy impure, beautiful urge. Go die somewhere in the desert of prohibited fantasies.
But I do realise one thing.
I need to get laid. :) Everyone has a right to that. So let's wait while marriage makes it lawful. In the meantime, i shall enjoy whatever reasonable kind of intimacy I can with the women in my path, without breaking any one's heart. That's my ultimate Law. Never break a heart.
Even the Sufis agree with me on that!
I live in a male hostel at the Aga Khan university. Someday, I'll write a long article on hostel life, but today just lemme throw one piece of clarifying info out. There are no gays here. At least none I've encountered in the last five years of my stay here. Of course, I could be a closet homo, enjoying what little man-on-man action I could elicit from a few like-minded friends, but that depends on what you'd rather believe. :)
Anyway, I have lived in the hostel for five years. Have seen it all, inside out. Been a part of all the secret cults and societies that inevitably develop in a men's hostel. And I can safely say that 90% -- he, cross that figure -- 95% of the men here are sexually deprived (Dunno about the female hostel, I'll reserve judgement on them in my spirit of gentlemanliness). Frustration abounds. Pornography rules. Jacking off? Well, guys here have routines and rituals regarding self-love. What more should I say?
The point is, it's not gross, or disgusting, as any lady reading this is apt to exclaim, but it's just the unpleasant truth that we shovel beneath the carpet. Sex is a powerful need and force, especially with men. In our culture, women have their own religious taboos and cultural inhibitions that allow them a psychologicla advantage that, unfortunately, men can't conceive of. And as far as their thinking with their penises is concerned, can you blame them? Most of them are about 23-24 and haven't had sex ever. Considering the stresses that come with a career in medicine, plus the stupid cultural issues that most women have in our society about even being seen with a man in public, it's a wonder that guys here haven't resorted to homosexuality. And while we are discussing sex, let me also say what most women will never believe.
Majority of these guys don't even need sex. It's true they get their urges from time to time, but those are easily squashed. What really comes, disguised as a sexual need, is intimacy. Most of them crave intimacy, or even a little friendship with women, or maybe just an ego booster. Believe me, I've talked to all of them. And nearly all want that more than sex. But our culture prohibits that, and what happens then is the smarter and the richer and more good-looking ends up with the more open girls around while the rest of the lot just poondifies, wishing to be on the other side of the fence.
I have been lucky. I won't say how -- and no, I haven't had sex -- but I have been in a couple of relationships. I have always been able to make friends with women, and I have always been a part of both the male hostel and the world beyond it. And I tell you, there are times when i pity my society. Men wanting intimacy, and women wanting security, and both ending up at a loss simply because there are too many taboos that scandalise either sex if the sacred distance is breached. It is the hypocrisy that is disgusting, not the discussion of it.
Anyways, what I wanted to recount is an incident that became a little too personal, but while we're being honest, I believe it should be told and analysed, not only becuse we should and are allowed to, but also, it holds a fascinating psychological bearing.
So my friends and I, all males, mind you, went out on a guys' night out. But that of course is false. It was guys' night because nearlessly all of us are currently womenless. One just dumped a girl, another was dumped, and the rest have never been in a relationship because of religious or cultural or whatever reasons. (Moi will hold my secrets to myself, thank you very much! )
Anyway, we all went to this stand-up comic bit by a Karachi art group called Black Fish. Brilliant artists. Wonderful actors. Extremely spontaneous and funny comedians. May I say that my group of friends has a very sleek and honed sense of humor. We laugh plenty, but never out of politeness, and I was kinda doubting the power of the comedians' punch lines. Turns out the group was highly educated and had a magnificent funny motley of comics, and we ended up laughing like hell at their performances, all of which were impromptu. Totally money-worthy.
But the reason for my recounting is not the funnies or the art side of it. I wanna talk about the the only girl comic there was in the group.
A tall, attractive girl wearing denims and a short t-shirt, she had a aura of confidence, bordering on haughtiness, about her. She sat with her legs crossed, occasionally glancing at the crowd, and, I don't know about the others, but my eyes were riveted on her. Initially in my chauvinism I thought she'd just be helping the comics with their gigs and scenes, but she had her very own limelight, and she was real good at her stint.
But what has made her worthy of being mentioned here, nameless of course -- I don't wanna name her in any context -- is the way she used her body while performing her scenes. She moved her hips and curves seductively, very very sensually. At one point, while pretending to be a super-villain called Doctor Gas (the name adopted on audience suggestion), she thrust her hips out, placed her hands on her butt, and cried out, "Non-biodegradable!" at which the audience roared with approval. (I wonder what would have happened if it were a Punjabi Drama stage. She would have probably been gang-raped on stage by the audience that haunts that particualr arena. ) Even when she wasn't doing her scenes, she was twisting and moving herself in sexy curves and was very very aware of the effect she was having on her male audience. And I would be lying if I said I wasn't extremely attracted to her in the most physical way possible.
Now, I have been to the most liberal of parties. I have seen people reaching third base right in front of my eyes. Have been physical to a degree with women myself, yet I do have strong moral qualms. But I was astonished at the effect this particular woman had on me. Maybe the fact that she was extremely confident and doing something disapproving on a paki stage, in public really, had something to do with it, but it was remarkable. It made me realise how poweful sexual feelings are. In that moment I would have probably gone to bed with her if chance availed, morality or no morality, all thoughts and feelings and guilt put aside for retrospection. And that told me so much about myself and the human race in general.
Again, I'm not generalising, but most of us embrace religion and traditional values because it makes life easier to bear. It's easy enough to say that you're repelled by sex if you're not getting any. But give you a beautiful naked woman, and you try recalling a single piece of religious advice you've given to many yourelf! Black and white are not that clear-cut. The grey dominates.
I'm not going to comment on what that girl did on stage. At one point, she bent to retrive a lighter from the floor and a little of her butt-cleavage was exposed to the world, for all to see. I enjoyed the sight. My religious values are not strong enough to make me abstain from such a visual present. Boys will be boys, and whatever you say. But at the same time, I wonder what this bodes for my people. That girl has a right to parade herself naked through a hallway full of sainted men, but then, a part of me says, she shouldn't complain that men stare at her chest, or that a few try to cop a feel. A penis is an independent, intelligent entity, that's a fact of life, and she should, methinks, learn to live with it then.
Like I said I won't comment on her moral values. But I can, and should, on my own. She turned me on, and I had no way of dealing with it. I have declared sex unlawful unto me, a kiss and a little more being the max of my moral limit. So what do I do?
I try to write, that's how my catharsis works, and send my words out into the world. Go away, thy impure, beautiful urge. Go die somewhere in the desert of prohibited fantasies.
But I do realise one thing.
I need to get laid. :) Everyone has a right to that. So let's wait while marriage makes it lawful. In the meantime, i shall enjoy whatever reasonable kind of intimacy I can with the women in my path, without breaking any one's heart. That's my ultimate Law. Never break a heart.
Even the Sufis agree with me on that!
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